I had known I wanted to have kids at an early age, so we wanted to start right away. I had come off birth control October 2002 in hopes to get it out of my system before we started trying after we got married. By January, I still hadn't got my period after coming off the pill. I went to the doctor because I knew something had to be wrong. My cycles before birth control were all over the place, but never missed 3 cycles in a row before.
Lots of blood work and ultrasounds later, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). At the time, I had no idea what that meant, other than my doctor told me I was infertile and couldn't have children because of this. I was crushed. He referred me to a “specialist” and got the same diagnosis, but this doctor said “You can get pregnant, but you’re likely to not carry to term”. Again, this is not what I wanted to hear. That doctor retired so I went back to my old doctor and he referred me to a different specialist. Again, more blood work and ultrasounds. Same diagnosis, but he said “There’s no reason why you can’t get pregnant, you will just have to be patient”. This doctor though, we worked out a game plan of what we were willing to go through to get pregnant. Months and years went by of different doses of fertility medications, medication to control the PCOS symptoms with no luck. It took a toll on our marriage as I felt like a failure. But Jason stood by my side and stayed strong for the both of us.
I remember thinking “Why would God do this to me? I’m defective.” The one thing I was born to do, my body can’t do it. There was nothing that I wanted more to life, than being a mommy. It was so hard to avoid the millions of inquiries from friends and family members asking when we would start having babies. It wasn't until one of Jason’s aunts that approached me and asked me if we were having a hard time. I opened up a little, but being me, I don’t let anyone in on my personal life (until now).
In 2008 we took a trip to Florida for my nephew’s 5th birthday. I figured I could use a mental break from all the medication, doctors’ visits. Well, finally when we got back from our trip, we started trying again and we finally got pregnant.
We were over the moon excited that it finally happened. We wasted no time to tell our friends and family. However, at 5 weeks, I started spotting. I freaked out and spent 5 hours in ER waiting to see what was going on. They did blood work on me and an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy. I went to my doctors, did more blood work to make sure my numbers were rising and again to confirm the pregnancy. My doctor wanted to wait a few weeks to make sure our dating was accurate. At 9 weeks, we had our follow up ultrasound and there was still no change to the embryo/fetus. My doctor confirmed it was a missed miscarriage.
Looking back I really wished that Jason had gone with me to that appointment because although I held it together at the doctor’s office, I completely broke down when I got to the car. I cried the whole drive home. I was a mess when I got home and told Jason the horrible news and that since my body wasn't letting go of the pregnancy, I had to have a D&C to remove it.
I had the D&C done on September 11th (2 days before my 28th birthday). During my follow up appointment a few days later, my doctor said, that we could try again when I was mentally ready.
Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to chance losing another pregnancy. I was in a dark place for what seemed like an eternity. I literally stayed in my bed curled up in the dark and cried. I had my mom tell everyone that we lost the pregnancy and I just wanted to be left alone. I barely would even talk to Jason. I shut everyone out and again, asked why God would do this to me? They say God challenges the ones he knows can handle it, but I didn't think I could get over something like this. After 6 years of trying to get pregnant, only for it to fail was just too much for me. Luckily we got pregnant a few months later after taking a mental break and bad timing the first cycle I had after my surgery.
We found out we were pregnant in January 2009. Although I tested early, had I not, I would have known for how sick I was. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. I made an appointment with my regular doctor thinking maybe I had the flu. Nope! They confirmed I was indeed pregnant and a very bad case of morning sickness (or also known as hypermesis Gravidarum). My doctor monitored me closely, since having a previous loss, he wanted to make sure everything was progressing.
We welcomed our son Ryder Jacob Pestel on September 23, 2009. We were induced because my doctor knew what we had gone through to get pregnant and for it to stick, that he didn't want me waiting any longer than the 40 weeks.
We fell instantly in love with our baby boy. I didn't think I could love someone as much as I did with Ryder. For the next few months we were finding out how to be parents and experiencing all the new things babies do.
I think when Ryder was about 9 months old, the baby fever kicked in again and wanted to try again for another. After all, my sister and I were close in age and I wanted our kids to be no more than 2 years apart. We tried on our own with no medications, aside from the one to control my PCOS symptoms when Ryder turned 1. After a year of no success, we went back to my doctor and we went back on fertility medications.
The second round of clomid, did the trick. We were pregnant again! We found out April 2011 we were going to have another baby.
This pregnancy was completely opposite of my pregnancy with Ryder. The only morning sickness I had was nausea. I had headaches all the time and my face was broke out. With Ryder I didn't have a single headache and my face was practically flawless that I actually stopped wearing foundation. I had an inkling that we may be expecting a girl this time around, but assumed it was another boy. We had only a boy name picked out when we went to the anatomy scan appointment.
When the tech asked us if we wanted to know what we were having, we said “Of course!” She then said, “It’s a Girl!” I looked at Jason and was like HOLY SMOKES!! I made the tech look again and confirm it was indeed a girl and not really a boy.
On December 30, 2011 we welcomed Brooklyn Nicole Pestel. Again, I was induced because our insurance was going to be changing at the first of the year, and at pre-registration, we only had our current insurance company information to provide. However, the day of my induction, I was already 4cm dilated when I got checked in (so she would have come that day regardless). I couldn't believe we had 2 kids now. I had my precious little boy Ryder and now my little baby love Brooklyn.
It was a bit challenging going from 1 kid to now 2, but I managed. Jason returned back to work after taking a week off, so I was at home with both kids for 8 weeks.
Around the time Brooklyn was 4 months old, I got baby fever bad! It seemed like everyone around me was having babies. Even though I had just had a baby, I wanted to try again. Although my postpartum cycles hadn't returned yet due to breastfeeding, we still tried and hoped it would just happen. Around the time Brooklyn was about 8 months old, it finally returned, so we knew we had a better chance. I really wanted to get pregnant without medical assistance. I didn't start tracking my cycles until December 2012. I started temping in January 2013 and after 2 cycles, we got pregnant all on our own! I was completely shocked and in denial that I was actually pregnant and didn't need clomid to get me to ovulate. I actually didn't find out we were pregnant until May 5th 2013.
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with #3. This pregnancy has been very similar to my pregnancy with Brooklyn, with some added symptoms I've never had before during a pregnancy. We are Team Green this time around. We are currently due January 13, 2014; however, I have the weirdest feeling this little one will want to come earlier than expected.
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